My sheets look like a crime scene.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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