so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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