I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
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yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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