Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
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In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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