i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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