And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
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he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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My breasts were aching with rage.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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