I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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