Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
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We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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