did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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