On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
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If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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