she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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