So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
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When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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