I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize