I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize