but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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