We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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