Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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