Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize