i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize