and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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