He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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