Apparently you make a good broom.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My penis needs a shock collar
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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