i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being pregnant is like rehab
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize