god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
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Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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