her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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