Define "chronic" masturbator.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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