did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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