eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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