It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize