I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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