When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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