I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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