Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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