I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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