as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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