tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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