My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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