You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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