i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize