Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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