and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize