honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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