My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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