What did we do last night that was yellow?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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