you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize