my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize