Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
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Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
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