What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize