Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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