the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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